I’m sitting here, at the kitchen table, coffee in hand and mind completely blank. I’m not sure where this writing will take me… but I want to write. It’s been too long…
I’m looking out the sliding glass doors in front of me as the fog comes billowing down, shaping itself onto the rolling hills. I feel like we are sometimes the fog; shaping into wherever we’re taken, conforming to the rhythm of life. Even on a big adventure like the one I’m on now, I get caught in monotonous days of life. On days like this, I begin to wonder what I’m suppose to do. What I’m meant to learn. If I’m working hard enough at the things God wants me to do.
I have slowly been listening to a series that I’m finishing from my home church in RVA. The study is on Ecclesiastes. Solomon is miserable in the beginning of the book, looking for satisfaction and joy in everything earthly. Throughout the first two chapters, he searches through learning, drinking, material items, relationships, music… everything he could think of that would make him happy. At the end of his life, he warns not to make the mistake he did and run after everything he thought his heart desired, but to turn to God and allow Him to be all that you need.
In this season of life, I am confronting and learning things I never would have imagined I would be encountering at the age of 19. After waiting and having a suitcase packed for 2 weeks, I was gone once I received my approved visa in the mail. Just like that I took off on a plane to a village I knew little about, with a family I had never met, not knowing at all what I was about to experience and learn about life. Looking at it now, I have been thrown into a situation where I can choose to fall into the conformity of the world or I can choose to stand on my own, grounded in the foundation of my faith, grasping onto God and not letting go.
Coming here, I left everything I had and was comfortable with behind. I packed bare necessities, said goodbye to friends and family, and entered a world where I was left alone to feed myself spiritually. In the beginning of my journey, I fell into a depression, immensely wishing I was back home in the comfort of my own church, listening and learning from what I was hearing. Following the sermons online became difficult because of finding a couple hours in the day to sit down without any distractions. My only food came from my quiet times with God. This was new for me as I had struggled to have a routine time with Him in the past. But this time, it was force myself to do it or suffer. As Solomon learned and I have learned, nothing else matters but Him. I feel like I have nothing, but have everything because I have God. Leaving what I have known to be comfortable and familiar has allowed me to draw closer than ever to God, letting Him take control of my life.
In Ecclesiastes 3, Solomon talks about embracing the seasons of life God gives you. This season is definitely a life changer. Though difficult and sometimes wanting to give in, I have never felt so close and in-love with God as I am now. Through this, He is truly and always will be my everything.